Confessions of an addict.

I am ashamed to admit it but I am a recovering addict. I was hooked on the habit for close to 45 years. When I was about 12 years old I also stole for the first time. My Father used to leave his pack of 20 Grand cigarettes (It was named after a Race Horse), laying around the house. Some of my buddies confided in me that they have tried smoking and assured me it was a really big deal and you were a coward if you didn't try it. A couple of friends and I had tried substitutes such as the cigar shaped bean of the Catalpa tree. It burned and stunk to high heaven but you could not get any smoke out of it, We used to go up and down the street and retrieve old cigarette butts from the gutters until we had enough to "roll our own" We carefully unfolded the paper surrounding the tobacco, cut off the burned end and added the tobacco to our stash. Occasionally we would find a cigar butt but they were usually disgusting and covered with saliva. A favorite tobacco at the time was called "Bull Durham" which came in a small cotton sack with yellow draw strings at the top and cigarette papers on the side. I'm sure you have seen cowboys in the movies who rolled their own and then closed the draw string with their teeth. I'm here to tell you that rolling your own is not as easy as it looks. You hold the cigarette paper curled around one finger and fill the paper trough with tobacco and then try to roll the paper around the tobacco into a cylinder. I Usually made them too big or too small and not enough tobacco at the ends so when I licked the glued edge the ends were usually pointed. I soon tired of this method of getting a smoke so I sneaked a cigarette out of my fathers pack and retreated to a large corrugated metal shack that was located in the back yard next door to ours. This was our unofficial club house and secret meeting place away from the prying eyes of our mothers. This was an all around great place to hang out as there was a patch of clay there perfectly flat where we could draw a circle and play marbles, for keeps. We also like to play Mumbly Peg with our pocket knives. I'm sure you all know what Mumbly Peg is, If not let me know and I will tell you how to play it.

Inside the shed we would take turns tossing baseball cards at a wall and if your card landed on top of another card you got to keep all the cards thrown. I wish I had those cards now, they would be worth a fortune to collectors. Whenever I was able to get a cigarette I would retreat to this shed so no one would know I had it but mostly so no one could see me coughing and wheezing trying to learn to inhale the smoke. I don't remember if I liked it or not, I just remember everyone else I knew was smoking and if it was good enough for them it was good enough for me.

I remember the first time I had a full pack of cigarettes of my own. Before I left the house I purposely put on a white shirt with a pocket because I knew that anyone who saw me could see the pack through the pocket and tell What a big deal I was as I had my own cigarettes. It was like badge of distinction for all to see. Whenever I had some money to spare I used to go to downtown Cincinnati to a tobacco shop on the corner of Sixth and Walnut street. I remember they always had a display of old gold jewelry in an big black kettle in the window with a sign that announced they would pay $35 an ounce for old gold. In those days that was a fortune. I liked to go there because they had cigarettes from all over the world. I liked to experiment with such as brands such as English Ovals that were about three times in diameter the size of a regular cigarette and oval in shape and about six inches long. Each came in a small glass tube with a cork sealing them in. Another one I tried but didn't like was Clove cigarettes which came from Turkey. This was also the time I tried my first cigar, I almost threw up. From these humble beginnings I went on to become "A Smoker!"

The first cigarette which became "My Brand" was Lucky Strike which had a slogan "L.S.M.F.T." This stood for "Lucky Strike means fine tobacco!" It came in a white pack. It used to be in a green pack but they changed it to white in 1942 because of World War Two. It seems the green dye was needed for camouflage and olive drab uniforms. In those days there were no filters on most cigarettes and most brands were of the short variety. Filters were first introduced in 1860 but were mainly used to keep tobacco out of your mouth, the first major brand to use them was Parliament Cigarettes in 1931. Winston Brand was the first Major brand to be successful with a filter in 1954. But to us guys filters were for women and Sissy's. Most of us smoked non filter brands. Even my Mother smoked King size "Pall Mall" brand. She said she smoked them because they were longer and she got more for her money. This also became my brand for many, many years.

Over the years I continued smoking non filters with no seemingly adverse effect. I think I increased my consumption while I was in the Navy and we could get non taxed cigarettes for about 10c a pack. After I became a civilian I continued smoking about 2 packs a day. I had tried to stop smoking many times, This usually lasted just a few hours as the urge overcame me. Once I quit for an entire six months but then started gaining a lot of weight. I used that as an excuse to light up again. Once on a business trip I ran out as I was entering a trade show and there was no where to buy a pack there I got back in my car and drover several miles to a store because I knew I could not last the entire day without a cigarette. Another time I remember I was in bed late at night and reached for a cigarette and realized I had run out. After an hour or two of cravings I got up and dressed an drove to a drive thru at 2 o'clock in the morning. I even started a fire once by dumping what I thought were extinguished butts into a waste can and then leaving for work. My daughter was home and awakened to a house filled with smoke. We had smoke damage throughout the house.

Wouldn't you know it that later in life I started working as a buyer for a Candy & Tobacco wholesaler. One of the perks of working there was that I received FREE cigarettes. This is probably when I noticed I had developed a hacking, rasping chocking cough. I ignored warnings like "Those things are gonna kill you" or people called them "Cancer Sticks or Coffin Nails" I kept coughing and wheezing until 1995 when visiting my daughter at her house I had my first heart attack. While in the hospital I was informed I had a blood clot which had blocked the veins to the right side of my heart and had in effect turned half of my heart into scar tissue. I was now pumping on just half a heart. Quiting smoking now would have to be a "Half Hearted Affair" (Ha Ha!) but quit I must warned the doctor. I assured him I would. Smoking then was permitted in hospitals. Somehow I still had cigarettes with me and once while hooked up to an oxygen tube on my nose I attempted to light a cigarette, A blue flame erupted in front of my face and I suppose I was very lucky the whole place did not explode. After a period of recuperation at home I suppose I quit smoking dozens of times without success. I now know how drug addicts feel when they try to kick their habits because nicotine addiction is as powerful as any drug known to man, the big difference it does not seem to alter the mind like chemical drugs do. But what to do? I had to quit.

I realized that abstinence does not work for me. The first thing I tried was substitution. Hard candy, mints, gum and any thing I could carry and pop in my mouth when the need arose. These had varying degrees of success. I tried a pill that had no effect at all. I bought some nicotine patches at the drug store and about the same time I started chewing Wrigley's Extra Bubble Gum flavor chewing gum along with wearing a nicotine patch. I could tell they were helping some but that old nicotine desire kept raising it's ugly head. There came a day when I said to myself, "Self, this is the day you will quit smoking!!!" I realized that if I chewed a few sticks of gum, not just any gum, it had to be Wrigley's Extra Bubble Gum flavor chewing gum I had tried every other brand and flavor on the market and this one seemed to be the only one that worked. The greatest single thing that helped me to quit was realizing that when I got that overwhelming urge to light up, if I could just hold out for about 15 minutes and not yield the urge would subside. Soon the urge only came about every 20 minutes and then 30 minutes and the an hour. This is the secret to quiting smoking. "Realize the urge will subside if you can only wait it out" When I had gone a week without a cigarette I was really proud of myself, then a month and when I had made it to a whole year my kids gave me a giant greeting card about 3x4 feet that announced "Congratulations" I still have it, framed in a poster frame with my last pack of Pall Mall cigarettes attached to it. I still get the urge to light up again occasionally, of course I never will again as it has been 12 years since that last cigarette but there are still times I have been known to stand close to someone who is smoking to smell the smoke once more.